And there was this jerk named Dwayne who kept saying, 'Go on, have a beer. You know you want one. One little beer's not going to hurt ya. You haven't had a drink for three years. You can handle it.'" He looked at me again. "You know?" I nodded." Caught me when I was vulnerable. You know, when I was still breathing. Bill Bryson
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  2. The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. - Jeff Foxworthy

  3. Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them. - Terry Pratchett

  4. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. - W.C. Fields

  5. There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers. - Chelsea Handler

More Quotes By Bill Bryson
  1. Not one of your pertinent ancestors was squashed, devoured, drowned, starved, stranded, stuck fast, untimely wounded, or otherwise deflected from its life's quest of delivering a tiny charge of genetic material to the right partner at the right moment in order to perpetuate the only...

  2. If this book has a lesson, it is that we are awfully lucky to be here-and by 'we' I mean every living thing. To attain any kind of life in this universe of ours appears to be quite an achievement. As humans we are doubly...

  3. As my father always used to tell me, 'You see, son, there's always someone in the world worse off than you.' And I always used to think, 'So?

  4. I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to.

  5. Thoreau was an idiot.

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